Warning: Non-pet owners come back for next week’s blog post, or spend the next few minutes rolling your eyes and shaking your head in bewilderment. If you don’t own a pet you will not understand what I am writing about this week!
I have two large dogs. One is a labradoodle named Rosie, who was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Rosie has a true sense of entitlement, and expects all good things to come her way. My other dog is Carly, a black Lab/Doberman Pinscher mix who was rescued after the first 18 months of her life were spent in a variety of abusive and neglectful homes and kennels. Carly is grateful for every kindness she is shown. They love each other and they love us.
When we suffered a death in the family a few weeks ago, and I sat down on the bed to have a good cry, both dogs were immediately there – one on each side, leaning against me, licking away my tears, and giving me all the emotional support I could have wanted in my grief. And, of course, my dogs are the smartest, most beautiful, adorable wonderful creatures in the world. They are my babies. They are also my husband’s babies. No empty nest syndrome in this household. The kid may be gone, but the dogs are our children. Our “girls” know us as “Mommy” and “Daddy.”We are pet parents.
Nor is our household unique. Most people consider their pets to be members of the family, to be pampered and cherished. So, what happens when there is a divorce? Who gets the family pet(s)? How is it decided?
Here’s a surprise and a horror for all you pet owners: pets are considered like property in a divorce case. Who takes the pets is subject to the same analysis as who gets the paintings on the wall, the silverware in the drawer, or the car on the driveway. Judges do not schedule custody hearings and decide who gets the pet in the animal’s best interests the way they do children. Nor is the judge going to set a visitation schedule! For those of us who own and love our pets like children, this indeed seems counter-intuitive, but it is the reality.
For this reason, I always recommend to my clients that the issue of how custody/ownership of pets will be determined in a divorce should be determined by mediation and negotiation. Who takes the pet is not an issue that should be decided by the court! My position has been buttressed by the many fine arrangements I have seen worked out in my cases over the years. They cover a gamut of solutions, including all the following:
1. Week on, week off custody;
2. Weekday custody with one pet parent, weekends with the other;
3. Days with one pet parent, nights with the other;
4. Split custody, where there are multiple pets.
Of course, the right of first refusal (so that one pet parent “babysits” if the other pet parent is going out of town) should be considered, as well. And, do not forget to figure out who is going to pay for veterinary bills. Will it be one parent or both? Will it be pro rata based on income, or will it be 50-50?
The worse pet case I ever had was two people who, it appeared to me, cared less about the pet’s well-being than taking the pet from the other parent. They fought for months with no other apparent intent than to hurt each other. After spending unheard-of amounts of money on lawyers, they eventually agreed to a shared custody arrangement. Hopefully, that cat stayed healthy, because I doubt there was much money left to pay veterinary bills after their protracted custody battle.
The best pet case I ever had was the two pet parents who had to face euthanizing their dog during the divorce proceedings. He had an advanced case of cancer. They set their differences aside, attended the last veterinary visit together, both with their pet to the very end, and gave each other much needed comfort.
Here are my girls:
